07/10/2024
It made it possible for me to accomplish all of the healthy habits and mindsets I’ve worked towards adopting my whole life.
I didn’t feel unstoppable or more capable. I simply didn’t have all of the background static stifling my senses. The voices were still there, but they were forced to whisper. I was finally able to hear my own voice through it all.
It didn’t remove my problems. But it unbound my shakles and allowed me to pick up the tools I’de collected, only just out of reach.
When the noise returns it returns in full. But there’s a new sense of piece I can access knowing who I am when
08/08/2024
YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR VESEL RIGHT AWAY. ITS BEEN A WHILE AND THIS IS CRUCIAL TIME. YOULL NEVER BE MORE RESILIANT. THIS IS IT. NOT TO MENTION THE DAMAGE YOU’RE DOING.
Use this journal as a way for the inside you’s to communicate with you/me
11/02/2024
Notes Psych appt
-PTSD/ADHD/Anahadonia
PTSD point
-A childs brain lacks the mechanisms to understand that everything is not the direct cause of their actions.
-Watching mom get hit while assuring me everything was okay taught me what acceptable treatment looks like.
- Both of the above lead to my inability to recognize others at fault. Combined with my lack of trust in my memory, it feels impossible to hold those who mistreat me accountable.
-Self worth being brought into question is a trigger. When you begin to feel as though you’re failing your body and brain recognize it as a physical threat. You can fight it for a while, but that much “I am in danger” chemicals flooding the brain over an extended period of time is literally nuerotoxic. Eventually your freez response grows to near paralysis
-The “out of body” panic attacks are my hyperactiveated freeze response. The self harm activates your flight and gives you the ability to move. The